i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
