I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
