I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
