Sry I called you an 8
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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