Your face is a jimmy john
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
