11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
