There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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