I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
