That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
is it fun? or sober?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
