I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
