508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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