i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
