I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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