She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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