I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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