I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
