I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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