I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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