not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
No stitches, just platelets and will power
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
