I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
