my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
