Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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