I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
