If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
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