I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
