I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
