How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
