you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
