tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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