no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
