READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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