Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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