i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
