wrigley field is MILF paradise
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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