Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
