I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I deserve this hangover.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
