I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
