8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
