You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
