I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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