please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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