bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
It's never too late to be topless.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
