Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
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