ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
