i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
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