What a fucking waste of an outfit
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
