I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
