We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
