I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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