her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
