The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
