I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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