a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
