im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
