I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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