Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
