Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize