We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
