I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize