Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
