fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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