The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
