There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
