there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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