I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize