after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
