it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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